Saturday (11-20-2010)

..oranges..I crave them..

.....cut and suck..cut and suck..I just want to suck the juice out of the segments...it isn't so much orange juice that I want....it's the entire process of biting into the piece and drawing the liquid from it....I am sick with desire...

I can see it in my mind..when I tell David, we head out to stock up on oranges, grapefruit, limes, and a pineapple.

Arriving home....coat is still on..I am slicing oranges in a frenzy..the juice in my mouth is exquisitely satisfying.....cut and suck...cut and suck......I'm actually enjoying consuming something...



I have 48 hours in which to find the strength to start this cycle again...will I be ready?.. can I do this?

..this is not a trick question, but it is a question that must be asked..

...and answered..

.....by me.....

My answer is YES!!!

..never quit...never give up....

..I am committed to enduring whatever it takes to overcome this disease...

...as long as I can stand up....as long as I am breathing.....I will continue to push this aberration..this distortion of life......from my body...

I will be whole again....